Hi, sorry it's been a while since I posted. But, being New Years Day and all I figured an update was warranted.
So, 2013 has been a great year for me and hubby. We have grown into our roles with me as dominant and he submissive. Of course, this isn't always apparent in everything -- nor would I want it to be. But, we both know that in the end -- I make the rules so to speak and we both like it that way.
We've found certain rituals to be enjoyable. For instance, Alex now takes care of all the chores involving our bedroom. He picks up and puts away my clothes, does my laundry, makes our bed, makes sure the room is always picked up and neat and orderly. Any time I find it otherwise, is an opportunity to "reprimand" him and engage in some dominant play -- maybe a punishment even.
I say "play" cause that's what it is. We have fun with it. But, it is more than that as well and that harder edge is important, especially to Alex, as he gets sexually turned on when I exert dominance over him. Increasingly, I do as well as I have come to enjoy the lifestyle :)
Anyway, the rituals are nice because they remind us both every day of this part of our relationship that we love. Frankly, it's helpful to me as well not having to bother with my clothes and cleaning our room. But, it's constantly a turn on to both of us when, for instance, I walk into the room and get undressed and simply drop my clothes wherever I am. We both know it's his "job" to pick them up and take care of them. In fact, if he's present when I undress he must immediately pick them up and care for them -- not just let them lay there. Not a word need be spoken about it, but he just does it, cause he loves it and it turns him on. All I do is supervise what he does and if he does something wrong, like puts an article of clothing in the wrong place, I give him a playful swat on the but, he apologizes -- such fun.
It's also generally good that we don't have to extend this outside of our bedroom -- that way the kids and visitors generally don't see the most obvious displays of his submission and that makes things better all the way around.
I am looking forward to a time when kids aren't around and our "play" can be safely expanded to the entire house, more than just once in a while (i.e. kids spend night at grandmom's or whatever). But, for now, this will have to do.
Overall, I think we are both very happy to have found this lifestyle and look forward to progressing with it. He is sexually turned on by my domination of him; I increasingly am turned on as well. A perfect match.
I think lots of couples would be happier in some form of FLR and it's too bad that social norms inhibit that. It's relatively easy to slide into a male dominated relationship. A female dominated relationship is more taboo. But, perhaps that adds to the thrill.
For 2014 -- I'm toying with the idea of exerting some financial control -- maybe to some degree. I may put Alex on an allowance and see how that goes. We'll see.
Happy New Year to you all!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Sunday, August 12, 2012
FLR Websites vs My Life
The great thing about life is you get to choose what you want. You don't have to do it the same way as anyone else. For instance, Alex and I enjoy the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle. But, we don't take it too far if you know what I mean. We do what works for us.
As for the sites I've mentioned before (some are in the right column). I don't go as far as any of those sites in asserting my authority in our marriage -- at least not at this point. To our friends and family, they'd have to be extremely perceptive to realize what is really going on.
For the most part, they simply think we are a couple seriously in love (we are, can't keep hands off each other) and that Alex is a doting husband. For now, that's all I need. One day, I might want to assert
more public authority over Alex, and I think he secretly would "get off" on that. But, there's lots of potential problems with doing that, especially for our kids.
So, for now, this works. Most of the display of domination happens between just the two of us, privately. Of course, we have lots of fun in regular life sort of dancing around it. Like, we might have a normal discussion amongst family or friends where I want to do one thing and maybe Alex wants to do another and he'll say something like "whatever you say dear" or something like that, and we'll exchange knowing glances or giggles.
So, it's always fun. But, Alex and I both know that I have the ultimate say now, if it comes to that. But, honestly, he is so into pleasing me that he goes out of his way to agree with me anyway. This is a great thing
about female led marriage -- we have very little conflict.
How far will it go. I really don't know. Life is an adventure, right?
As for the sites I've mentioned before (some are in the right column). I don't go as far as any of those sites in asserting my authority in our marriage -- at least not at this point. To our friends and family, they'd have to be extremely perceptive to realize what is really going on.
For the most part, they simply think we are a couple seriously in love (we are, can't keep hands off each other) and that Alex is a doting husband. For now, that's all I need. One day, I might want to assert
more public authority over Alex, and I think he secretly would "get off" on that. But, there's lots of potential problems with doing that, especially for our kids.
So, for now, this works. Most of the display of domination happens between just the two of us, privately. Of course, we have lots of fun in regular life sort of dancing around it. Like, we might have a normal discussion amongst family or friends where I want to do one thing and maybe Alex wants to do another and he'll say something like "whatever you say dear" or something like that, and we'll exchange knowing glances or giggles.
So, it's always fun. But, Alex and I both know that I have the ultimate say now, if it comes to that. But, honestly, he is so into pleasing me that he goes out of his way to agree with me anyway. This is a great thing
about female led marriage -- we have very little conflict.
How far will it go. I really don't know. Life is an adventure, right?
Good FLR Books
OK, I've mentioned a few books and websites that I thought were good in other posts. But, figured I'd list a few more here. Some of the books I've read, some I hope to read. Here you go:
At Her Feet
His Deep Submission
Control Your Submissive Boy
Uniquely Rika
Love the cover shot of the submissive boy one (might dress up Alex sometime like that). And, 150 ideas for how to control him and have fun -- should be worth a few bucks.
There are so many good, serious, intelligent books out there about the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle -- it's hard to choose.
Let me know if you stumble on any good ones.
Off to read....
At Her Feet
His Deep Submission
Control Your Submissive Boy
Uniquely Rika
Love the cover shot of the submissive boy one (might dress up Alex sometime like that). And, 150 ideas for how to control him and have fun -- should be worth a few bucks.
There are so many good, serious, intelligent books out there about the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle -- it's hard to choose.
Let me know if you stumble on any good ones.
Off to read....
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Does Female Led Marriage Make Husband Just Another Child?
Of course not. Not any more than the traditional male dominated marriage made women just another child. I saw a chart that was interesting on -- about flr -- (I think it was there though I can't find it now) that showed how nearly all marriages lean one way or the other.
My husband is my husband. He does all the sorts of things husbands do. You would have to know us well to have any idea anything is different in our marriage. It's simply that I make most of the decisions in the house -- including in the bedroom. And, we both "get off" on this non-traditional power arrangement. It works well for us
both. But, actually my husband now does much more to help me than he used to -- so, he's anything but another child.
Another way to look at it is (I read this somewhere) -- my husband is King of the home. But, his most important job is to love the Queen of the home (me) and make sure my needs are met. When they are, things function well for everyone. He fulfills his role as King by ceding much of his power and authority (even over things in his own life) to me.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Why A Wife Led Marriage is Best For All
I've talked before about how our wife-led marriage has freed up my time considerably. I now have lots more "me" time to read, watch TV, listen to music or whatever I want. I used to get almost none of that.
Now, I'm much happier and at peace with my life. So, that's been great for me of course. But, it wouldn't work if it wasn't also better for my husband and kids.
Fortunately, it is. Because I have more control over my time, I now have time and space to do the serious thinking and planning about where our family should be headed and how we get there. In many chaotic families, no one does that because everyone is running around like crazy trying to keep up with life. Inevitably, balls get dropped, mistakes are made, important things get left undone, and that just causes more problems and more stress later.
Just like in a business, at home, someone has to keep tabs on what needs to be done and make sure it gets done. That happens best when one person takes the lead and for the most part schedules everyone's time. That way no doctors appointments are missed; not late to kids sports practices, trips to the vet, working with the kids schoolwork, lawn mowed, trash out, dishes done, laundry kept up, groceries bought, etc, etc, etc.
Like it or not, in nearly every household, this job is best done by the woman of the house. She knows best all the stuff that needs to be done to keep a house running. Frankly, most men don't. They really aren't as well equipped as their wives to keep track of it all. (And, they know this and will agree with it.) Men are very focused. They can achieve great things when focused on particular tasks. This is true whether in the workplace or at home. But, they are not nearly as good at juggling lots of things at once. So, it's your job to do that and keep him focused on what's most important for him to be doing. In a female-led relationship (the best kind) -- you get to decide what's important for your man to do at any given time.
So, for me, I spend time each weekend, creating schedules for everyone. Once you do it once, it's much easier after that. These are high-level schedules, not every single task. But, the big things for each day. I have one chart for each member of the family and I fill in what they need to do. I have a separate list of everything that needs to be done, simply listed out. 75% of that list are recurring things that need to happen each week. Grocery shopping; trash out, house cleaned, lawn mowed, etc. The other 25% are things unique to that week: Dr's visits, teacher conferences, etc. Then, I simply move things from the master list onto the individual lists.
Alex, of course, carries the heaviest load since he can do the most. But, I also try to give serious jobs to the kids and I have the time to teach them how to do the job. It's good for them to learn that. I might have a group project that I put Alex in charge of, but, privately, I tell Alex what needs to be done. He gets to lead in the eyes of the kids, and whoever else is around, but, of course, really I'm the one ensuring it gets done right.
So, that leadership role is a heavy responsiblity for me. If something doesn't get done, that needed to get done, it is really my fault first and foremost. I set the priorities, assign the tasks, and ensure they are done correctly. If that doesn't happen, unless someone has completely defied me (which will require strong consequences) -- then it is my fault for not enforcing the schedule and standards.
Again, though, can you see how important it is that someone fills this role? And, if you, and your husband are really honest, you will both agree that you are best equipped to fulfill the role of leader of the household.
Of course, it's tricky. Society has imposed certain expectations that the man is the leader. Frankly, I don't fight that. I don't flout my authority. My husband runs his work life as he wants (mostly; though I keep careful tabs on it and give him direction when needed). I give my husband his schedule for the week, but I do that privately. I don't want to bruise his ego by showing him up in front of the kids or anyone else. After all, I love him dearly and wouldn't want to hurt him (and maybe ruin the good thing we have going).
I don't want the kids telling their friends that their mom assigns tasks in writing to their dad. Again, in most families this is actually pretty much what happens anyway. It's just the formalization of it that is unusual. I do what I do, partially because it's what he wants actually, and it just works well. He knows what he needs to do for the week because I tell him. And, believe me, he gets it done. But, that's between us. No one casually observing our family would realize how different we really are. After all, most women behave similarly actually. It's just that in most families the roles aren't as formalized as they are in ours. In most families, the man does what he wants and the woman is left to handle everything else, which inevitably is much more than the man is actually doing. And, when the family is doing something together, it normally will be the woman who is telling everyone what to do, where to go, etc. It's just that it's much more chaotic and the roles and responsibilities much more unclear -- resulting in wasted time, duplication of efforts, dropped balls, anger at times, frustration, etc.
In our relationship, the roles are clear and understood. We each get better at our jobs every day. And, we're all having our needs fulfilled. My husband gets "turned on" by complying with my directions, he says he enjoys that; it makes him "hot." And, it does the same for me.
Our family functions well, harmoniously, and we have fun and great sex. I get more free time but it's understood I need that because I also have the most ultimate responsibility to keep everything operating smoothly.
Now, I'm much happier and at peace with my life. So, that's been great for me of course. But, it wouldn't work if it wasn't also better for my husband and kids.
Fortunately, it is. Because I have more control over my time, I now have time and space to do the serious thinking and planning about where our family should be headed and how we get there. In many chaotic families, no one does that because everyone is running around like crazy trying to keep up with life. Inevitably, balls get dropped, mistakes are made, important things get left undone, and that just causes more problems and more stress later.
Just like in a business, at home, someone has to keep tabs on what needs to be done and make sure it gets done. That happens best when one person takes the lead and for the most part schedules everyone's time. That way no doctors appointments are missed; not late to kids sports practices, trips to the vet, working with the kids schoolwork, lawn mowed, trash out, dishes done, laundry kept up, groceries bought, etc, etc, etc.
Like it or not, in nearly every household, this job is best done by the woman of the house. She knows best all the stuff that needs to be done to keep a house running. Frankly, most men don't. They really aren't as well equipped as their wives to keep track of it all. (And, they know this and will agree with it.) Men are very focused. They can achieve great things when focused on particular tasks. This is true whether in the workplace or at home. But, they are not nearly as good at juggling lots of things at once. So, it's your job to do that and keep him focused on what's most important for him to be doing. In a female-led relationship (the best kind) -- you get to decide what's important for your man to do at any given time.
So, for me, I spend time each weekend, creating schedules for everyone. Once you do it once, it's much easier after that. These are high-level schedules, not every single task. But, the big things for each day. I have one chart for each member of the family and I fill in what they need to do. I have a separate list of everything that needs to be done, simply listed out. 75% of that list are recurring things that need to happen each week. Grocery shopping; trash out, house cleaned, lawn mowed, etc. The other 25% are things unique to that week: Dr's visits, teacher conferences, etc. Then, I simply move things from the master list onto the individual lists.
Alex, of course, carries the heaviest load since he can do the most. But, I also try to give serious jobs to the kids and I have the time to teach them how to do the job. It's good for them to learn that. I might have a group project that I put Alex in charge of, but, privately, I tell Alex what needs to be done. He gets to lead in the eyes of the kids, and whoever else is around, but, of course, really I'm the one ensuring it gets done right.
So, that leadership role is a heavy responsiblity for me. If something doesn't get done, that needed to get done, it is really my fault first and foremost. I set the priorities, assign the tasks, and ensure they are done correctly. If that doesn't happen, unless someone has completely defied me (which will require strong consequences) -- then it is my fault for not enforcing the schedule and standards.
Again, though, can you see how important it is that someone fills this role? And, if you, and your husband are really honest, you will both agree that you are best equipped to fulfill the role of leader of the household.
Of course, it's tricky. Society has imposed certain expectations that the man is the leader. Frankly, I don't fight that. I don't flout my authority. My husband runs his work life as he wants (mostly; though I keep careful tabs on it and give him direction when needed). I give my husband his schedule for the week, but I do that privately. I don't want to bruise his ego by showing him up in front of the kids or anyone else. After all, I love him dearly and wouldn't want to hurt him (and maybe ruin the good thing we have going).
I don't want the kids telling their friends that their mom assigns tasks in writing to their dad. Again, in most families this is actually pretty much what happens anyway. It's just the formalization of it that is unusual. I do what I do, partially because it's what he wants actually, and it just works well. He knows what he needs to do for the week because I tell him. And, believe me, he gets it done. But, that's between us. No one casually observing our family would realize how different we really are. After all, most women behave similarly actually. It's just that in most families the roles aren't as formalized as they are in ours. In most families, the man does what he wants and the woman is left to handle everything else, which inevitably is much more than the man is actually doing. And, when the family is doing something together, it normally will be the woman who is telling everyone what to do, where to go, etc. It's just that it's much more chaotic and the roles and responsibilities much more unclear -- resulting in wasted time, duplication of efforts, dropped balls, anger at times, frustration, etc.
In our relationship, the roles are clear and understood. We each get better at our jobs every day. And, we're all having our needs fulfilled. My husband gets "turned on" by complying with my directions, he says he enjoys that; it makes him "hot." And, it does the same for me.
Our family functions well, harmoniously, and we have fun and great sex. I get more free time but it's understood I need that because I also have the most ultimate responsibility to keep everything operating smoothly.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Diet, Exercise and Sleep Control
So, last night a girlfriend was over. And an incident happened that reminded me of the sleep and diet control I have over Alex now. I don't think I've mentioned it before so figured I would now.
Last year I made some changes to his lifestyle to help him lose weight and get more sleep.
Diet: Alex had a bit of a gut on him that I'd rather he not have. And, he'd rather not have it either but (like most of us) he didn't have the willpower to do what needed to be done (diet, exercise, sleep). So, I put him on weight-watchers -- required he plan his menu each day and give me a written report of exactly everything he'd eaten
and the point total. He did this for 3 months and lost 25 pounds (so much easier for men...)
Now, I no longer have him on weight-watchers, but I do watch his weight. Each week I weigh him and if he's more
than 5 pounds above his ideal weight, the rule is he'll go back on weight-watchers. So far, he's kept it off.
Sleep: I also decided he needed 7.5 hours of sleep each night. He had been really bad about staying up watching TV (sports and history channel mostly). It was making him sleepy, irritable and I think even sick sometimes. It may affect his performance at work. So, I just decided to fix this issue as well while dealing with the eating and exercise issues. Now, Alex is required to be in bed every night by 10:00. That means he has to start getting ready for bed at around 9:45. And, he also has to wake up right at 5:30 so that he can work out, get ready for work and bring me a cup of coffee when I wake up at 6:45. There are exceptions to this schedule of course, but he has to let me know when the schedule needs to change. He doesn't just go to bed late or get up late (or earlier for that matter) without me knowing about it and approving it ahead of time.
Exercise: [I also put him on an exercise routine but I'll talk more about that another time since it's not relevant to what happened last night.]
OK, now all of this is so natural it runs along without either of us even noticing anymore. Alex is in bed each night at 10:00 and that's how it is. We'd only notice if he wasn't.But, once in a while I like (and he does too) to demonstrate my power in this area. Just to remind him how much in control I am.
So, for instance, if he puts too much of something on his plate, I'll make him put some of it back or whatever. Or, if he mentions he's doing something in the evening I might remind him of his bed time. Usually, I'll do this sort of thing privately just between us. It's a bit dangerous to flout my power in front of others as it risks humiliating my husband. Of course, that danger also makes it sort of fun/intoxicating to both of us as well.
So, yesterday evening a girlfriend was visiting. We were chatting away, drinking wine, and I suppose I got a bit tipsy. I know I was feeling pretty good. It was about 9:30 when I saw Alex in the kitchen getting a brownie. He'd already had one earlier for dessert and I was feeling like sort of showing off in front of my friend. So, I barked
rather sternly "Alex you know you can't have that brownie." Now, if he was really smart, he would have avoided the issue by saying he was getting it for one of the kids or making his lunch for tomorrow or 100 different things he could have come up with.
But, he didn't. Instead he said "why not?" So, now what was I supposed to say? I had to remind him that he has a strict diet and that also it is nearly his bed time. He got a bit red and sheepishly said, "well, I guess you have a point." He then quickly put the brownie away and disappeared (presumably to go to bed).
My girlfriend was sort of surprised by what she'd witnessed. I just told her that I'd put Alex on a strict diet and that's how he'd lost so much weight. She said, "wow, I wish my hubby would do that." Luckily she didn't inquire about the bed time thing or anything else as, given my intoxication I might have told her much, much more about
how my relationship with Alex works. Again, for now at least, I try to keep that (mostly) between Alex and I.
Anyway, it was a fun little incident and reminded me that needed to blog about how I control my husband's diet, sleep and workout schedules. Again, it's all good. He feels better and gets a kick out my control of him. And, it works for me too.
Friday, July 20, 2012
A Wonderful "Regular" Evening
Had wonderful night last night. After Alex got the kids to bed, he brought me a glass of wine. We were watching TV together when I told him I needed a relaxing bath. Alex went upstairs and prepared my bath. When it was ready, he came down and told me it was ready. I went up to our room, where he undressed me and led me to the tub. It was the perfect temperature (hot) and had lots of bubbles and salts.
Alex put headphones on my ears with my favorite relaxing music and I went into zen land. While I was there, Alex went to work, giving me a pedicure, manicure, and shaving my legs all the way, including some of my pubes. He shaved my underarms, all the while keeping the water warm. Then he left me alone.
When I came out of the bath, I found he'd set up the bed for a full body massage. He had towels on the bed which he asked me to lie on. Then he used warm oils to give me a full body massage from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head -- kissing everywhere as he went. He gave me some unrequested, but appreciated, tongue action in my vagina and I came hard. Then, I went to sleep.
What a great night!
Thanks Alex, you are the best.
Alex put headphones on my ears with my favorite relaxing music and I went into zen land. While I was there, Alex went to work, giving me a pedicure, manicure, and shaving my legs all the way, including some of my pubes. He shaved my underarms, all the while keeping the water warm. Then he left me alone.
When I came out of the bath, I found he'd set up the bed for a full body massage. He had towels on the bed which he asked me to lie on. Then he used warm oils to give me a full body massage from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head -- kissing everywhere as he went. He gave me some unrequested, but appreciated, tongue action in my vagina and I came hard. Then, I went to sleep.
What a great night!
Thanks Alex, you are the best.
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